My Daddy Works in His Underwear

‘ As I stepped outside today to fetch the mail – no shoes, no shirt, Stella slippin’ out the door just as it opened – I thought for a moment about the lifestyle working from a home office has allowed me to lead.

I walked to the curb in the summer heat and browsed through the mail; no checks, no bills – a wash for any entrepreneur. The sun was warming my back, cooled all morning by the largesse of the AC in my home office. It felt damn good.

I paused. This is one heluva life we’ve carved out here – myself and 20 million other American home-based entrepreneurs. It’s 95% a lifestyle play, 5% because I’m a cheap S.O.B. who wouldn’t want to absorb the overhead of moving my home-based enterprise into some corporate digs.

And why should I anyway? What can I accomplish in a corporate trap that I cannot do in my home office?
Read More »

Good eatin', but apparently not in New York's PS 9.

New York Times writer Susan Dominus interviewed a woman - MeMe Roth - whose children seemingly are offered enough sugary snacks and candies in school to send them into a diabetic coma - or at least an afternoon sugar crash.

So Ms. Roth has launched a campaign (her second, apparently) against the practice of well-intended parents sending cupcakes to school for a child’s classmates to share in a birthday celebration.

An Atlanta native, apparently the fair Ms. Roth is no Southern Belle. In principle, the concept seems fair: Sugar run amok is contributing to rising obesity, diabetes and other disease, which, in turn, costs our nation untold suffering and billions in healthcare costs.

In the article, she’s been painted as belligerent and confrontational. Some in her school - and previous schools - have seen her rants as self-serving and ill-intended. She reminds me of the woman in the 1990s who railed against Married: With Children, hoping to get Al, Peg and the risque show ditched from the TV line-up.

Viewership spiked.

As the father of three grade-school kids also offered cakes and snacks during school (birthday snacks, holiday treats and the lot — sometimes offered by our family in celebration of our own children’s milestones or events), I can see Ms. Roth’s concern. But frankly, she seems in it for the battle - or notoriety.

A more thoughtful approach, one that probably would serve her children better in their own futures, would be to espouse their saying three words: “No, thank you.”

What do you think…?
Read More »

When I turned 40 four years and 37 days ago, I was mourning the lessons of time.

One of my closest friends — a man 20 years my senior — had just died. And I was growing older.

Two events – though unrelated – combined to leave a lasting impression. In their wake, I felt as if I was a patron of the Macabre Café. “Can I have the Midlife Crisis, please, with a side of demise.”

I hadn’t thought much of my birthday at the time; always an optimist, I’d felt “midlife” wouldn’t come for me until 45, the half-way mark of my two eldest grandparents at the time of their passing. But Alan was a special friend, and his death let the midlife beast creep into my thoughts.
Read More »

The Washington Post published “Odd Man Out: A Stay-at-Home Dad Wonders What Comes Next.” The article explored writer Mark Trainer’s adventures in home-based non-employment. He’d left his day job to raise his kids — while his wife continued working her day job.

Both were real jobs, as any stay-at-home mom would insist. And both apparently were happy in the arrangement. But when a guy does it, he’s looked on with disdain like some loathesome drop-out looking for the path of least resistance, the easy way out.

Even Trainer’s dentist couldn’t hide his disapproval, “inscrutable behind his sanitary mask,” Trainer wrote. As he left the office, the dentist said, “Good luck with the job search.”

Work-at-home is not a euphemism for “consultant.” Stay-at-home is not synonymous with drop-out. Sure, some get pink-slipped and are merely at waypoints in their professional careers. The endgame is another brass nameplate on the desk, a return to the corporate office. Some would be thrilled to ditch those $10-for-1,000 business cards they not-so-gleefully carry with them as they go to Starbucks and chamber meetings and business networking sessions in hopes of finding The Next Gig.

But some — like me and Trainer and millions of other dads and childless men –  work or stay home because we want to, because we seek balance, enjoyment, satisfaction or the compatibility that can only come from being there. Fully there — for the kids, the family, the self.

Said Trainer: “If you left a perfectly good job to look after your kid, all the business-speak in the world isn’t going to disguise the fact that you made your priorities pretty clear when you left.” And apparently, companies are looking for that decision, that dedication, that focus-upon-return that corporate lifers may not possess.

As for me, I don’t really care what corporate execs and head-hunters may think about home officers and stay-at-homers. With one kid each in high, middle and elementary school, the endgame for me is already here.